My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We just shotgunned beers for America
I have surprise drugs for everyone
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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