I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Randomize
