All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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