I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
