Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
