The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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