Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
