i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
