White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
