Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
