I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
