I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
