found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
