Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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