period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
