She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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