it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
