I just pynch a tree in the face
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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