I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
