Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
