answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
