Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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