thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
