I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I looked at my own cervix.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
