I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
