dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
