I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
