Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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