i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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