need another drink. this is the easiest way
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
