Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
