I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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