i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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