I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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