haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
