put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
