i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
