U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
