i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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