I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I smell stomach acid.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
