Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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