Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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