I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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