I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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