I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
