Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Panties = found
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