Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
