She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
