Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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