You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
