There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So much rum. So many feels.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
