id be glad to
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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