dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
